Love is Not a Luxury: The Essential Need for Secure Relationships

Have you ever felt like you should be able to handle life on your own? That needing reassurance or emotional support is a weakness? If so, you’re not alone. Many of us have been taught that independence is strength and that love and connection are nice extras—not essential needs.

But what if love, attachment, and secure relationships aren’t just emotional perks? What if they are actually as vital to our well-being as food and water?

That’s exactly what Dr. Sue Johnson, a leading psychologist and creator of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), teaches. Her research on attachment science shows that we are biologically wired for connection, and when we lack it, our bodies and minds suffer. And for those who embrace faith, Johnson beautifully integrates the idea that God designed us for relationships—not just with Him but also with each other.

Why Love & Connection Matter More Than We Think

From infancy to adulthood, our survival depends on our relationships. As babies, we cry for our caregivers because our nervous system is wired to seek safety in connection. This doesn’t disappear as we grow older. Even as adults, we turn to loved ones for comfort, reassurance, and a sense of belonging.

Sue Johnson explains that secure relationships do three powerful things for us:

• They help us regulate stress – When we feel emotionally safe, our nervous system calms down.

• They give us courage – When we trust that someone “has our back,” we are more resilient in life’s challenges.

• They shape how we see ourselves – Love and acceptance from others help us believe we are worthy of love.

But if secure relationships are so good for us, why do they sometimes feel uncomfortable, scary, or even impossible to find?

Why Love Can Feel Hard

Many of us carry wounds from past relationships—whether from childhood experiences, betrayals, or simply a lifetime of feeling unseen or misunderstood. When we’ve been hurt before, our brains try to protect us from pain by keeping people at a distance.

Sound familiar?

• Maybe you struggle to open up emotionally because you’re afraid of being judged or rejected.

• Maybe deep down, you crave connection, but letting someone in feels too risky.

• Or maybe you feel unworthy of the kind of love and security that others seem to have.

This isn’t because something is wrong with you. It’s because our brains and nervous systems remember pain, and we develop survival strategies to cope. Some people become overly independent, while others seek constant reassurance. But no matter how we cope, the truth remains: we need each other.

The Science & Faith of Secure Attachment

While Sue Johnson’s research is based on psychology and neuroscience, her ideas also align with Christian faith and scripture. The Bible tells us that we were created for relationships:

• “It is not good for man to be alone.” (Genesis 2:18) – From the beginning, God designed humans for connection.

• “Bear one another’s burdens.” (Galatians 6:2) – We are meant to support each other, not suffer alone.

• “Perfect love casts out fear.” (1 John 4:18) – Secure love provides safety and healing.

Johnson describes love and attachment as a God-given gift, not a flaw or weakness. She emphasizes that just as God offers us unconditional love, we are also called to build safe, loving connections with each other. And when we struggle with attachment wounds, healing is possible—through safe relationships and sometimes through therapy.

Healing Attachment Wounds: Therapy as a Path to Connection

If love and attachment are essential, how do we heal the wounds that make connection feel unsafe? Therapy can be one answer.

In her work with Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), Sue Johnson helps people recognize the negative cycles that keep them stuck—whether in marriage, friendships, or family relationships. The goal is to create secure emotional bonds, where people feel seen, valued, and safe.

What healing might look like:

💛 Learning that needing others is not a weakness—it’s human.

💛 Recognizing past wounds and how they shape your current relationships.

💛 Finding safe, healthy connections that allow you to be vulnerable.

This healing journey isn’t always easy. But as Sue Johnson reminds us, love is worth the risk.

Final Thought: You Were Made for Connection

If you’ve ever felt that something was missing in your life, it might not be “motivation” or “strength” that you lack—it might be secure, loving relationships. We are not meant to walk through life alone.

So if relationships feel scary or overwhelming, know this: healing is possible. Whether it’s through therapy, faith, or safe connections, you don’t have to figure it out alone.

✨ You were made for connection.

✨ You deserve love that feels safe.

✨ Healing is possible—and you don’t have to do it alone.

A Safe Space to Heal, Grow, and Connect

At Havenpoint Counseling in Louisville, KY, we understand that life’s struggles can feel isolating, but you don’t have to face them alone. Our experienced Marriage and Family Therapists provide high-quality, compassionate care designed to help individuals, couples, and families build resilience, improve communication, and foster deeper emotional connections.

If your relationship is struggling, our Marriage Counseling and Couples Counseling services offer tools to rebuild trust, enhance connection, and resolve conflict in healthy ways. Families can benefit from Family Counseling, where we support parents and children in strengthening their relationships and improving communication. Our Teen Counseling services are designed to help adolescents navigate self-esteem, emotions, and life transitions with the guidance of a caring professional.

For those seeking faith-based support, our Christian Counseling services blend psychological expertise with spiritual principles to promote healing. If past trauma is holding you or your loved ones back, our expert Trauma Therapists offer Trauma Therapy and EMDR Therapy, providing evidence-based techniques to help process and heal from painful experiences.

Younger children benefit from our Play Therapy services, where our skilled Child Therapist helps them express emotions, develop coping skills, and process their world in a safe and nurturing environment. If you’re struggling with anxiety, stress, or personal growth, our Individual Therapy sessions offer a personalized space for healing.

At Havenpoint Counseling, we are committed to helping you and your family thrive. Reach out today to learn how we can support your journey.